Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I think today might have been the hardest day of parenting yet.
The day started out great. Lyssa came down for a visit, so the kids were really happy and excited, and they apparently wanted to see what would happen if they woke her up four hours earlier than she's used to. Lyssa was a good sport and after some coffee we were all off to Frying Pan Farm Park to see the baby pigs, calves, lambs, chicks, bunnies, etc. The piglets were really cute. They must have had a litter just recently, because these little guys weren't much bigger than a pork loin from the store. They had a plywood cow that Jake pretended to milk and give us all fresh (pretend) chocolate milk. We ate lunch at a picnic table and then Jake led Sadie around the grounds to pick up any trash they could find (Earth Day indoctrination from last week). It was a really nice morning - except that Lyssa never got close enough to pet one of the baby cows. Sorry, Lyss!
Sadie conked out on the ride home, but Jake was still awake when we got home. These days it's about a 50-50 chance that he'll nap on the weekends. So, after some quiet time, he went out to play with the neighborhood kids. He was outside for 3-4 hours before we called him in for dinner. He came right in and washed his hands, and then...... it started.
There was whining about dinner. We cooked a really good spinach shrimp risotto tonight, and I wouldn't have been surprised (or upset) either way if Jake liked it or not. I just wanted him to try it, which he did, to his credit. He ate several bites, unprompted, before saying he wanted something else. Ok, fair enough, good try. We put in some chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs. After that, I don't even remember the specifics, but it was constant whining about this and that, and he just would not listen to whatever we said in response. At some point he hit Ali, and I brought him up to his room. We gave him a second chance when he came down, but eventually he hit me when he couldn't get his way. So I brought him up to his room again. When he came down again, he was ok for a minute, but then demanded to go outside. We told him "no" (it was getting late anyway), and then he threw a toy car at me.
So then we brought him up to his room again and told him he'd need to stay there for the rest of the night. At this point, I think we were both wondering what the approrpriate punishment was for a 3, almost 4 year old. He was partly testing boundaries, and partly tired. But either way we needed to do something. So, we waited outside of his room while he screamed and screamed. Then we heard him taking his bed apart. He opened the door and told us to look at what he'd done. We tried not to react much, saying something like "it's too bad you've messed up your room". I think not getting a reaction caused him to go further, and he started throwing things and knocking down furniture and then I had to go in just to make sure he didn't hurt himself.
He was in a rage, hitting me, trying to bite me. It wasn't Jake. But it was hard not to get angry. It was hard to be a parent, and remember he's just a three year old. When he calmed down a little to ask if he could get out, I said we needed to talk about how he acted. He said he hadn't done anything. Jake's not perfect, but he's always understood when he's done something wrong before. I didn't know what to do, and then Ali came in and he said he was sorry for the first time. We put his bed back together. We cleaned up some of the mess. Ali took over and the whining and crying and screaming started up again. The whole thing lasted about three hours, before he finally passed out after Ali sang him a Kenny Rogers song. I don't know how she did it. Jake kept saying he didn't like this song or that song, but she was patient. More than patient. Jake was not nice. Meanwhile, Sadie was so cute and happy tonight, and then kept getting woken up with all the ruckus form Jake's room. I felt so bad for Sadie, and for Ali and me, and now that a few hours have passed, for Jake too.
I wonder how Jake will be in the morning. Will he acknowledge tonight? Will he say he's sorry? Will he think twice about how he acts? Or will he bounce into our room with a smile and ignore last night. It's so hard to know the capacity of a three year old's mind and the best way to teach them. And it's so hard to forgive such a terrible night. But we have to, and we will.
The day started out great. Lyssa came down for a visit, so the kids were really happy and excited, and they apparently wanted to see what would happen if they woke her up four hours earlier than she's used to. Lyssa was a good sport and after some coffee we were all off to Frying Pan Farm Park to see the baby pigs, calves, lambs, chicks, bunnies, etc. The piglets were really cute. They must have had a litter just recently, because these little guys weren't much bigger than a pork loin from the store. They had a plywood cow that Jake pretended to milk and give us all fresh (pretend) chocolate milk. We ate lunch at a picnic table and then Jake led Sadie around the grounds to pick up any trash they could find (Earth Day indoctrination from last week). It was a really nice morning - except that Lyssa never got close enough to pet one of the baby cows. Sorry, Lyss!
Sadie conked out on the ride home, but Jake was still awake when we got home. These days it's about a 50-50 chance that he'll nap on the weekends. So, after some quiet time, he went out to play with the neighborhood kids. He was outside for 3-4 hours before we called him in for dinner. He came right in and washed his hands, and then...... it started.
There was whining about dinner. We cooked a really good spinach shrimp risotto tonight, and I wouldn't have been surprised (or upset) either way if Jake liked it or not. I just wanted him to try it, which he did, to his credit. He ate several bites, unprompted, before saying he wanted something else. Ok, fair enough, good try. We put in some chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs. After that, I don't even remember the specifics, but it was constant whining about this and that, and he just would not listen to whatever we said in response. At some point he hit Ali, and I brought him up to his room. We gave him a second chance when he came down, but eventually he hit me when he couldn't get his way. So I brought him up to his room again. When he came down again, he was ok for a minute, but then demanded to go outside. We told him "no" (it was getting late anyway), and then he threw a toy car at me.
So then we brought him up to his room again and told him he'd need to stay there for the rest of the night. At this point, I think we were both wondering what the approrpriate punishment was for a 3, almost 4 year old. He was partly testing boundaries, and partly tired. But either way we needed to do something. So, we waited outside of his room while he screamed and screamed. Then we heard him taking his bed apart. He opened the door and told us to look at what he'd done. We tried not to react much, saying something like "it's too bad you've messed up your room". I think not getting a reaction caused him to go further, and he started throwing things and knocking down furniture and then I had to go in just to make sure he didn't hurt himself.
He was in a rage, hitting me, trying to bite me. It wasn't Jake. But it was hard not to get angry. It was hard to be a parent, and remember he's just a three year old. When he calmed down a little to ask if he could get out, I said we needed to talk about how he acted. He said he hadn't done anything. Jake's not perfect, but he's always understood when he's done something wrong before. I didn't know what to do, and then Ali came in and he said he was sorry for the first time. We put his bed back together. We cleaned up some of the mess. Ali took over and the whining and crying and screaming started up again. The whole thing lasted about three hours, before he finally passed out after Ali sang him a Kenny Rogers song. I don't know how she did it. Jake kept saying he didn't like this song or that song, but she was patient. More than patient. Jake was not nice. Meanwhile, Sadie was so cute and happy tonight, and then kept getting woken up with all the ruckus form Jake's room. I felt so bad for Sadie, and for Ali and me, and now that a few hours have passed, for Jake too.
I wonder how Jake will be in the morning. Will he acknowledge tonight? Will he say he's sorry? Will he think twice about how he acts? Or will he bounce into our room with a smile and ignore last night. It's so hard to know the capacity of a three year old's mind and the best way to teach them. And it's so hard to forgive such a terrible night. But we have to, and we will.
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